


Batman has kids?!

by My Old Works (TheFairMaidenofFandom)



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Justice League - All Media Types
Genre: Batfamily Meets Justice League, Bruce Wayne Has Too Many Kids, Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, I think this trope is hilarious, Podfic Available, Well my take on it anyway, might be continued, no beta we die like jason
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:41:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23177866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFairMaidenofFandom/pseuds/My%20Old%20Works
Summary: The Justice League finds out that Batman has kids.
Relationships: Bruce Wayne & His Kids, Clark Kent & Bruce Wayne, Diana (Wonder Woman) & Bruce Wayne, Diana (Wonder Woman) & Clark Kent & Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake & Bruce Wayne
Comments: 47
Kudos: 1632





	Batman has kids?!

**Author's Note:**

> As I said in the tags, I _love_ this trope. I read everything I could find on these fics forever ago, and I've been meaning to write one of my own, but I never did.
> 
> I love this story.

The Justice League was in the middle of a meeting.

Everyone was bored out of their minds. Hal was using the ring to create tiny constructs to fiddle around with, Clark was listening in on a TV show in Smallville, and Barry was literally vibrating in his seat. Only J’onn and Diana were bothering to pay attention to what Batman was saying.

Out of nowhere, the group heard an upbeat jingle begin to play. Barry, Hal, and J’onn looked around, trying to figure out who was playing music during Batman’s speech. Clark and Diana grinned at each other.

There was an irritated sigh, and Batman pinched his nose through his cowl.

_It was coming from Batman._

He glared at it, pressing a button to make it stop. He began to speak once more, “Our next missions need-” The jingle started up again, and this time Batman let out a low growl as he pressed the button again. “As I was saying, our next missions need to-”

Hal and Barry snickered as the jingle went off again. Batman looked remarkably irritated. He clicked the button. Speaking lowly he answered, “What?”

A tired voice came through, “Hey B, can you come back to the Cave? A had to go to the store, and Robin’s stupid cow keeps trying to eat my shirt. I would call N, but he’s on a stakeout, and BG’s out. Red Hood obviously isn’t an option. I would just leave, but A said I had to watch the little brat.”

Batman groaned, _honestly groaned_. “Can’t you just tell him to make her leave you alone?”

“I tried. He laughed, then told me that if I hurt any part of her, that he would make sure I lost an organ.”

Barry piped up, “Uh, Bats?”

“What is it, Flash?”

The voice made an ‘oh’ sound. “I forgot you had that meeting today. How bored are they?”

Batman looked absolutely tired of everything. He sighed once more. “Very. I’ll be home in a little less than an order. Can’t you just sedate him?”

The voice snorted. “Your son or the cow?”

“The _cow_.”

“Can’t. The demon would kill me.”

The white lenses in the Bat-suit closed. “Tell Robin that I said to get his cow out of the Cave. And Red, get some sleep.”

Red made a sipping noise. “No can do, B. Been working on the Denosky case this week, and now Tam’s gonna kill me if I don’t get these reports done.”

“Just, no more coffee.”

Red whined, “But B..”

Batman let out a Bat-growl. “No. More. Coffee.”

“You do know that that stupid growl doesn’t work on any of us anymore, right? Even Signal doesn’t care.”

Batman sighed again. _Again!_ “Just go.”

“Signing off.”

When the call ended, Batman once again closed his eyes for a minute. When he opened them again, Clark and Diana were smiling, J’onn looked confused, and Barry and Hal were gaping at him.

“As I was saying before, our missions need to be more organized.”

“Hold up! You can’t just go back to the meeting after that! You have _kids._ ”

“Yes, I do. As you all heard, I have to get back to them soon. Let’s wrap up this meeting.”

“Are the kids normal? Are they heroes? Is one of your kids really the Red Hood?”

“No, yes, and yes. Is that all?”

“Wait wait wait, how many kids do you even have?”

“...five to nine.”

“That’s not an answer!”

“Yes, it is.”

Hal plopped back into his chair. “Wow, okay, I did not expect you to be a family man, Spooky.”

Batman smirked at him. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me.”

Hal was about to snipe back when Clark interrupted. “Uh, Batman? Ti-Red just sedated Bat-Cow. Robin isn’t very happy.” He winced. “You might wanna head back now.”

“Thank you, Clark. I trust you and Diana to wrap up this meeting. Diana, A would like to have you both for dinner again.” He turned and strode out of the room.

There was a moment of quiet before Hal realized something. “You two know who he is?!”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sure some of you are wondering why I didn't put in any of the other Bats. I wasn't sure how to write in the others, and Jason wouldn't be there anyway. But, for the record, if I continue this, you can bet I'll be putting in all the rest of them.
> 
> Requests are always open @the-fair-maiden-of-fandom on Tumblr!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] Batman has kids?!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25463446) by [MelancholyMorningstar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelancholyMorningstar/pseuds/MelancholyMorningstar)




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